How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
