Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
