Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
