lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you had me at cake vodka
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
