Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
