Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
