9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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