cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
