my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
