I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
