I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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