dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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