Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
