I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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