Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
