he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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