just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize