You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
