All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
