Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize