saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
40s are totally the cure
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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