I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't deserve a penis
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
