The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
