morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
