He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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