she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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