she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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