Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Quick, to the slutcave!
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
