There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
