Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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