Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
