i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
