I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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