I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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