I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
