so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
