Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
