She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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