I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize