lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
