I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
