; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm at about main and main street
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
