It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
