Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
