I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
