Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
