I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
