Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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