I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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