remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
its liver damage thursday
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
