I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
