You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
