so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
