how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
