Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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