ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
