I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
