This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
