My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
