forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
