wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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