I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
