Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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