I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
