after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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