BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
