Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
