How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
