i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
