my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
